3 Reasons to Embrace Family During the Holidays

Here’s how to adjust your attitude to gratitude—and why you won’t regret it.

The holidays are filled with friends and family.

“Holiday get-togethers evoke the full range of emotions for many people,” says Jeff Guenther, L.P.C., a therapist in Portland, Oregon. “Some feel happiness, joy, love, and appreciation when with family while others feel anxiety, worry, disappointment, and even dread,” he says. “It’s common to feel a mix of all these feelings during visits.”

Why? Because relationships with family members are some of the most complex, Guenther explains. That’s logical since they’re also usually the longest relationships you have. “They can make you feel safe and secure, and other times make you feel shame and guilt,” he says.

But Guenther says lightening the mood and making the most of your time with your family can have surprising benefits. Here are three things strong family bonds can do for you.

1. Strong Family Bonds Provide Stability

“Maintaining your relationship with your family can be very important,” Guenther says. “Your family acts as your bedrock. Often, they are our emotional safety net,” he explains. “Knowing that you have family who is there for you when times are tough allows you to focus on higher needs.”

At times, you’ll be the one in need of support. At others, your adult children may need some encouragement.

2. Strong Family Bonds Make Us Happier

A study from the Institute on Aging at Boston College found strong relationships between grandparents and their adult grandchildren reduced the risk of depression for both. The study also revealed that grandparents who both gave and received tangible support—money, help with chores, advice—experienced fewer depression symptoms compared to those who only received support. According to these results, it truly is “better to give than to receive.”

Other studies have associated families sitting down to dinner together regularly with better mental health in adolescents.

3. Strong Family Bonds Keep You Slim

Researchers at Cornell University found that eating dinner together at a table instead of in front of the TV is associated with a lower body mass index (BMI) for both adults and kids. Encouraging each other to talk meaningfully about your day is also a good practice, the researchers say.

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How to Make the Most of an Uncomfortable Situation

Whether you’re improving a broken relationship or find yourself at a loss with particular family members, Guenther has a few ideas. “Go into the get-together with an attitude of gratitude and appreciation,” he says. “You are going to remember these times. Keep things light if possible. If something comes up that bothers you, express it in a respectful and courteous way.”

You can also find a private spot for a few minutes and try this fun breathing exercise that will put a smile on your face. When you’re calmer, rejoin the group.

Guenther says you’ll feel better later if you have positive memories to look back on—rather than an argument. “You have a choice,” he says. “You can follow a narrative of depression and angst during the holidays, or you can attach yourself to a narrative that feels more loving and positive.

“Deliberately strive for the better feeling.”